A RESPECTABLE SHOWING

Shelf Panthers 2 Rastrick 10

This was the day when the Panthers players and spectators solemnly signed up to the FA’s Respect campaign – and it had an immediate effect.

Their new commitment to fair play meant the Shelf parents had to hastily abandon plans to give Rastrick’s two star players £20 each and escort them to Kendall’s to scoff as much ice-cream and as many milkshakes as they could force down just before the kick-off. Without several litres of extra-whippy strawberry and extra-creamy banana sloshing around in their stomachs, the pair – a big, strong striker with silky skills and a dead-ball expert to rival Beckham in his heyday – ran the game for the visitors.

So credit is due to Panthers central defenders Scott Williams and Man of the Match Jonny Jones for a brave display of last-ditch tackling, heading and intercepting. Jonny has long been recognised as the Panthers’ dirtiest player - he usually ends the game with half the pitch caked on him – and after this match his kit needed industrial quantities of coach Tony “Wishy Washy” Williams’ jasmine, passionfruit and pansy detergent.

Special mention should also go to Josh Shaw for gamely jumping to his feet and playing on after being felled by a point-blank piledriver from Scott which caught him full in the face.

And we shouldn’t forget the Panthers’ magnificent fans, who continued to cheer their team on in the face of adversity right to the final whistle while of course remaining outside the field of play and behind the Designated Spectator Area (where provided) and never engaging in, or tolerating, offensive, insulting or abusive language or behaviour.

It was always going to be a tough afternoon for the Panthers after Rastrick rattled in three goals in the first 12 minutes. But Shelf struck back on the stroke of half-time when Toby latched onto a long through-ball from Jonny, took it round the keeper and crossed from the left for Ryan to tap home his third goal of the season from close range.

Playing down the slope after half-time, Shelf had high hopes of staging a fightback – but Rastrick made sure of the points with four goals in the first eight minutes of the second half. It would have been worse if Cameron hadn’t flung himself down to grab the ball off the feet of an onrushing striker with the referee (whom we all Respect) ignoring an offside flag from linesman Ian Bickerton (whom we also Respect).

Rastick’s sixth goal was one of the best of the season – a beautifully-judged long-range chip from their answer to Beckham.

A club which hadn’t signed up to the Respect campaign might have questioned whether the seventh goal actually crossed the line (but not Shelf, of course). And things got worse when the Panthers found themselves 8-1 down after just 41 minutes and then 9-1 down with 12 minutes of the match left.

“Boys, I want one goal, one goal,” Tony thundered respectfully from the touchline. Robert obliged by forcing the ball home from close-range after Rastrick failed to clear a corner.

Rastrick’s star striker had the last word, scoring his umpteenth goal of the match in the last minute.

Having reread the Respect code, there isn’t actually anything in it about force-feeding opponents gargantuan quantities of ice-cream before kick-off…