TALL ORDER FOR PANTHERS

Longcroft Lions 5 Shelf Panthers 2


Fans of Peter Crouch may have thought England’s beanpole striker moved from Liverpool to Portsmouth in the summer. He didn’t. He was snapped up by Longcroft Lions instead.

Suspicions were aroused right from the kick-off, when a figure resembling the nearby Emley Moor mast took his place on the windswept pitch alongside the Panthers’ pocket dynamo Josh Shaw, who bravely went in for challenges with his head against his opponent’s sharp kneecaps.

The lofty striker – whose identity was confirmed when team-mates began calling him “Crouchy” – played a part in the match’s pivotal moment seven minutes into the second half. Shelf were trailing 2-1 but enjoying a good spell of sustained pressure as they searched for an equaliser. Longcroft eventually managed to clear the ball into the Panthers’ half, where defender Jonny Jones appeared to have it under control but suddenly ended up sprawling in the mud, leaving the Lions a clear run through to make it 3-1.

The referee allowed the goal and dismissed claims for a Shelf free-kick, ruling that Jonny had “tripped over his own feet.” Panthers supporters argued that an outstretched spindly leg – which could have reached several yards if fully extended – had rather more to do with it.

The match saw striker Tobias Mears score a brace of goals to take his tally for the season to five. The first, after 16 minutes, was a simple tap-in to put the Panthers 1-0 up after Longcroft failed to clear a right-wing corner from Ryan.

The second, after 41 minutes, was a sublime piece of skill: put through by Robert, he controlled the ball inside the penalty area with his left foot before steering it past the keeper with his right.

Tobias – who proved a real handful for the Longcroft defence – looked certain to get a hat-trick when he was tripped in the penalty area six minutes from the final whistle. But his penalty was easily saved by the opposition keeper.

In the end, even a Man of the Match performance from hardworking midfielder Ross Bickerton couldn’t save Shelf from defeat.

Two criticisms of Longcroft: is it sporting to name your team after vicious wild animals? And should talented visiting teams be expected to play on a pitch which slopes markedly from one goalmouth to the other?

The Panthers will be hoping to roar to victory in the return match later in the season, when Longcroft will have to scale the “Hipperholme Eiger” – and Shelf officials will be scrutinising the visitors’ registration cards for any mention of the name Crouch, P.