Wizards of Oz

MATCH REPORT 13 SEPTEMBER 2009

Shelf Panthers 10 Norristhorpe 1

Rumours have been circulating in recent days about a takeover bid by a mysterious Australian washing powder tycoon, who apparently plans to move the Panthers to Melbourne and rename them the Shelf Kangaroos.

This shadowy figure – who is said to have a military background – will no doubt be taking an even keener interest in the team after they stormed to a 10-1 victory on the opening day of the season.

Man of the Match Tobias Mears hunted in the opposition penalty area with the killer instinct of a great white shark. He grabbed a hat-trick in the first 14 minutes, added two more goals before half-time and took his tally to six midway through the second half. His dad Simon is believed to be considering emigrating to escape the huge debt he’s running up through a generous goals bonus scheme.

Playing down the slope in the first half, the Panthers kept the Norristhorpe defence under constant pressure: every time the ball was cleared, it boomeranged back towards the visitors’ penalty area.

Robert weighed in with two goals, including arguably the best of the match – a quick-passing move that saw Jonny and Adam Renard turn defence into attack and set up Robert to burst through the centre and finish in style.

Further goals came from Ross – a deflected shot from a tight angle out on the right – and Adam Renard – breaking through to score immediately after a Norristhorpe restart.

It all added up to a 9-1 half-time lead and, even if the Panthers couldn’t keep the momentum going as they toiled up the slope in the second half, there was still plenty to admire.

Adam McDade made a promising debut. Sam and Dylan both won praise from coach Lee Marsh for “storming” performances, while Ross is developing a long throw with the speed and power of a Brett Lee delivery.

Meanwhile, the new defensive line-up of William, Jonny, Tom and Nat stood as firm as Ayers Rock: Jonny bravely got his head under two giant goal-kicks that would have made Mad Max tremble.

And in the final minute goalkeeper Luke – who otherwise had a fairly quiet afternoon – pulled off a magnificent save, flinging himself to his left to palm away a shot which came at him through a crowd of players. Just like Dean Kiely (not Kylie Minogue).